Tony Robbins brings his spectacle of self-help to a tech-savvy audience of thousands at Dreamforce 2012 in San Francisco.

At Dreamforce 2012, a four-day ode to cloud computing held annually in San Francisco, the highlight was not the myriad keynote sessions, many of which incessantly plugged products from eponymous sponsor Salesforce. Instead the highlight—for me anyway—was a free seminar with motivational guru Tony Robbins. For those not in the know, here’s a primer on his multimillion-dollar brand of self-help in the 21st Century:

Who Tony is: A 6’7″ giant with good-guy looks and a remarkable ability to emote on cue, silver of tongue and pearly of smile. He doesn’t just take the stage; he sprints onto it fully loaded. A weekend seminar with Tony—which presumably spurs you to make desired life changes—can run upward of $2,500. Notable clients range from Bill Clinton to Serena Williams.

What to expect at a TR seminar: An audience of thousands, accompanied by cineplex-sized screens and a thumping soundtrack from U2 to Lady Gaga, plus lots and lots of jumping around. At several points Tony instructed the audience to stand up and “celebrate for 30 seconds as if you had your first extraordinary orgasm.” Which we did. The effect is akin to witnessing a revival of newly saved souls at an evangelical mega church.

What TR preaches: To achieve “breakthrough moments” you must first activate the body. Emotion is created by motion. And led by excitement, emotions are the ultimate resource. The three keys are to create a new strategy, a new story, and a new state of being. Write down your goals and say them aloud. When you experience pain, you can either blame something or use it to change your life conditions. The only thing that will make you happy is progress. None of these ideas are revolutionary in themselves; they’ve all been espoused by earlier generations of motivators from Dale Carnegie to Norman Vincent Peale. But for those seeking to evolve to a higher level, Tony’s tips make as good a blueprint as any.

Best TR quotes: “I don’t believe people are broken and I can fix them. I tap into the part of them that needs to be in control of the other parts.” And: “You can believe something all you want. But if you experience it, you know it’s true.”

Most bizarre element: The decibel-busting music that grows louder with each audience exercises. For example, we were told to introduce ourselves to those around us and talk about our goals as if we were shy and intimidated; to repeat the process as if we were now eager and excited; and finally to ask our partners to describe the difference in body mannerisms—all with club beats blaring in the background. A worthy lesson, but the result was an army of people all shouting over each other at once.

Most awkward moment: When Tony asked for volunteers to reveal what they’re most happy about, one lady used the opportunity to spend five straight minutes plugging her book, which she held up for the TV cameras. She closed by telling Tony that she loved him. After a smattering of applause he thanked her and moved on.

Do TR seminars work? Well, I felt inspired to write this post afterward. Blogging used to be an annual event for me; suddenly I’m cranking one out every other week. I would thank Tony, but he would say it was deep inside me all along.